Fractured Fanfiction: Kings of Queens

dough hefferman

*dough hefferman sits on couch a lazy fat slobman.  dough drink a beer and eat a chips.  dough drops a chip in the couch and pours the crumbs into his mouth as a filthy neanderthal

dough hefferman:  i want chip

*dough remain stationary but turn head leftward to gaze upon fallen chip.  his stomach swells with the girth of four watermelons packed into a bulbous bag of slop.  crumbs litter his black t-shirt.  he wear sweat pants of gray.

*dough opens mouth so wide and emits loud piercing noise; chip begins to shake and quake, suddenly flying toward his mouth:  he suck it up.  crunch munch he makes the noise and swig a beer.

*carry hefferman walk through front entryway and carry six of bags of food, clothes, first aid and survival supplies.

carry hefferman:  a little HELP DOUGH???

dough hefferman (drooling): gurrggle??

carry hefferman:  there are more bags in the car dough!  please help me

dough hefferman (grunts, slowly crane head toward carry as a truck carefully backs up on the highway): i must level with you, i just ate chip and i need digestion *pats the fat, pooled and gelatinized underneath the black t-shirt and smiles

carry hefferman:  UGH FINE, have you move all day?  i am gone for 3 hours!!!

dough hefferman:  re-lax-a-sheeee-ooownn

carry hefferman:  well dough you disgusting sack of fat meat curling up inside a hibernation bear, you need moving soon for tonight we join a movie with decon and kelley.

dough hefferman:  aawwwulllll rieeegghttt *gets up from couch hop up and down as the salmon hop out from the stream* what do we see BLOOD

we see blood monster 2

MONSTERS FROM EXPLOSIONS CITY II:  THE PERFECT CRIME

carry hefferman:  ugh no we see GIRL MOVIE SENTIMENTAL ROMANCE starring sandra bullsock and huge grant.

*dough hefferman swig a beer, pout face, the fat melds into empty mass of flesh upon the face reformulates as a puppy dog, a sad hound wishing for an extra scrap of hot dog from the table

carry hefferman:  sigh ok dough we can see blood monsters 2

*dough hefferman thrusts his hips and shakes his rumpus, the vibrations and subsequent gust of farting air open the window to the kitchen, where arther looks in

arther:  so you kids going to see a moving picture film?  i once met the great oscar in a mcdonalds restaurant while i was working there for a spell after i dropped out of college on account of a certain mishap involving the dean and a chicken i was harboring for a cuban national, before i was fired for unionizing the workers

dough hefferman:  GRAAHAHHH ARTHER YOU ARE SO CRAZY

*dough hefferman stomach fat turn and twists forms a spiral of devestating power with the force of a twister suck his shirt off his body now dough is barechested and his stomach fat with pacification retreats into fleshy pouch

arther: SO YOU’RE A SLAVE TO THE MAN, THE CORPORATE MASTERS??

***

*carry hefferman in the room fancifying oneself for film outing among decon and kelley, she put on earrings and make up and a dress of the finest silver

carry hefferman:  DOUGH DECON AND KELLEY ARE HERE ARE YOU READY FOR TO GO TO THE MOVIES?

dough hefferman:  uh i watch game

carry hefferman:  we are going to see blood monsters 2

*switch to downstairs, dough hefferman sitting back on the couch.  his beer emptied.  he look into kitchen window and notice a soda pop and chocolate chip bag

dough hefferman:  ARTHER can you get me foodstuffs and bring to me so i neednt move?

arther:  HELP I HAVE LOCKED MYSELF IN THE DRYER MACHINE AND THESE SOCKS ARE SO HOT

*dough hefferman grunt disapproval. he look at foodstuffs amidst the great longing of the lioness mother watchful for the returning of her cub: he concentrate so hard the mind of dough reach unknown plane of consciousness.  he neednt move for he send a ghostly apparation to the soda pop and chocolate chip, the spirit harbor the treats and deposit them direct into the mouth and esophagus of dough

*dough hefferman return to realistics in sweaty mass of lumps, wipe forehead

dough:  per-spir-eeehhhh-sheee-owwwnnn